A Letter To the Introverted Mom During the Summer

I was 30 years old and mom to a 2-year-old when I first realized I was an introvert. For those of you who are self-aware, this probably seems crazy. How did I live 30 years thinking I was an extrovert?? But here’s the thing – I can talk to anyone. I am good at being in charge. I can walk into a social situation where I don’t know anyone and find someone to talk to. My family will tell you I strike up conversations with strangers all the time.

So how did I figure out I was an introvert? During my previous job running Leadership Polk, the group was doing a personality assessment and I decided to participate. When the results came back that I was an introvert I thought it had to be wrong… until the facilitator started explaining and I was hit with some serious self-awareness. 

An introvert isn’t necessarily shy, socially awkward, or timid. In fact, I have a LOT of friends and acquaintances who are introverts and they are some of the friendliest, most confident leaders I know. 

An introvert IS someone who gets their fuel from being alone. From having quiet and time to themselves. They thrive on one-on-one interactions with family or good friends. They might feel mentally exhausted after socializing and making small talk for an extended amount of time.

An extrovert is someone who gets their energy from being with other people. They like socializing in a large group. They might enjoy attention, and they might not really enjoy being alone.

(These are VERY basic descriptions and this isn’t an all-or-nothing trait, the idea of introverts and extroverts runs on a continuum and most people fall somewhere near the middle, depending on the situation).

Think about what motherhood looks like much of the time, and especially during the summer… there are always other people around, they are usually talking, frequently asking for things {I don’t understand why they need lunch and multiple snacks every.single.day}. All things that can be exhausting for any mom!

If you work full time and your schedule is similar year-round {kids are at school/camp/daycare while you are at work} then this might not resonate with you. If you’re an extrovert and can’t wait for your kids to wake up from their naps or get home from camp so you can play, this might not resonate with you either.

But for introverted moms who are used to a few hours by themselves during the day, making the transition to summer and having kids at home for all or part of the day can be a big adjustment. It always is for me.

A few years ago I was really struggling to figure out why I wasn’t enjoying summer more {and feeling guilty about it} and I realized I was with kids all day and my introverted nature was simply craving some quiet time. Just acknowledging that and making a point to take time for myself has been so good for me.

For my fellow introverted moms, this is my advice: Embrace it. Own it. Realize you’re an introvert. Know that you need time alone.

Carve out time just for you. Figure out what recharges your batteries and find a way to add that into your schedule. Make a date with a friend and fill up with some one-on-one time. Spend time with each of your kids on their own.

Set a quiet time each day. For younger kids this might already happen at naptime. For older kids, make them read or hang out in another room away from you. Give them that extra 30 minutes on the tablet they’ve been begging for. Set up a schedule that includes fun activities at home as well as individual time so your kids know what to expect. Find local things to do this summer and plan ahead so you’re not feeling overwhelmed. Remind yourself that summer is only 8 – 9 weeks long and will be over in a flash.

Most of all, stop thinking there is something wrong with you or worrying you’re not enjoying every second of summer. Stop feeling guilty because you can’t handle one more person talking to you. Parenting is about quality time, not quantity time. And when you take time to recharge your own batteries and take care of yourself so you can take care of your people, that is what makes you a good parent.